I can’t stress enough on how important it is to communicate.
It helps to understand what’s really going on in people’s mind. Their struggles, fears, things that make them happy, sad, uncomfortable.
If you’re not a bodylanguage expert or have super powers to read through people, it’s obviously quite impossible to know how someone really feels.
We are many in this category. Communicating is what we do. Once you stop and start guessing, you open doors to misunderstandings, confusions, conflicts, hate, jealousy.
All these and more only because you decided to imagine someone’s thoughts. I don’t know for you guys, but I figured out it wasn’t working for me.
Don’t get me wrong though. Assumptions can help for sure. In cases where there’s no way to actually get the information. That is, if the person won’t/ can’t speak. It could be for example, your boyfriend neither answering to your calls nor texting to say he can’t take the call . Therefore, you might assume that he’s busy. As simple as that right? With this mindset you’re totally positive. So, the assumption is positive as well. I didn’t say right but positive.
Now imagine if you don’t get a text and start assuming he’s cheating on you at the moment or was involved in an accident or… (fill in here because I know we’re sometimes extremely crazy). This makes you feel bad, anxious, sick… Well, your assumption was negative. That is, regardless of if it is false or right, you are already acting crazy.
In other circumstances you might have a strong feeling about what’s happening and it turns out to be right. Unfortunately, it is usually not the case. You know it’s just your craziness taking over. :)))
Getting to my point, communication. When you communicate, not only do you get the information, but you save a lot of precious time and energy. Also, the information is legit. You know what I mean? Like you can’t decide what someone is going to say. Whether they lie or tell the truth, you have something to base your next moves on.
It’s up to you, to believe what they say or not. At least, you won’t be wrong either way because it’s their duty/ choice to say the truth. Especially if they need help.
Now, let’s think about another kind of communication. “Self-communication”
I don’t know if it’s a real word, but it is surely a real thing. To communicate with yourself. Take some moments to just get in touch with yourself. Your thoughts, feelings, opinions, everything you have on your mind.
Ask yourself some questions. What do you want to have for dinner, what sauce, which restaurant, how much you want to spend. This is all basic.
Deeper questions like, do I like her, is this really what I want to study, do I want to pursue this relationship, do I want that job, is it the environment or the people that makes me uncomfortable, what do I want to accomplish by the end of the day, why do I drink, why am I impulsive or arrogant or jealous or self-degrading?
There is a multitude of questions you could ask yourself everyday. You won’t get the answers to these questions if you don’t talk to yourself. I usually just start thinking about all that is on my mind. However, I rarely actually speak to myself.
It is so powerful to say: “Vanick why are you feeling down?” than just thinking it. Why? You can listen to yourself saying it, which is a sign that you have a problem and are ready to face it. There’s so much power in the tongue. I’m not the first to say it. Once you utter the words, it becomes more serious.
You think: I have been eating unhealthy food lately. Then your mind gets distracted by something else that is also very important. You’ve just missed an opportunity to think deeply about the first issue.
You speak: I have been eating unhealthy food lately. I should make a list of some foodstuffs for when I’ll go to the groceries this weekend. The chocolate in my fridge. It needs to go. I can replace it with strawberries. Yeah! So yummy. I can eat healthy and delicious food…and you keep talking.
Most of you might think it makes you crazy or that you might be a weirdo for talking to yourself. Of course I’m not saying you should be in the presence of other people and start thinking out loud.
Take a moment at multiple times in your day when you’re with yourself. And speak to yourself.
Another way of doing it is by writing it down. Why do you think we do so in order to remember things? This is because you actually can read it many times and it sticks in your mind as a priority. You get less distracted if you set your mind to think about that same thing again and again.
Tell/write yourself the things that make you happy or sad. Even talk to your belly and be like: you and I must take different paths buddy. It’s been too long. I can’t be in this relationship anymore. I need a new belly ASAP. Period.
How empowering is That?
For example: Vanick, you can do this. You are intelligent, smart, calm and confident. This month is just another difficult one. You’ve been through 26 years +++. It’s not a 31 days month that will tear you down. Go and get that degree.
Did you feel That?
I challenge you to start communicating with yourself. When you know what you really feel inside, no one can make you think otherwise.